Yes-No-Maybe List for Better Sex

Communication in relationships can sometimes feel like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces. We want to connect, understand, and be understood. When it comes to talking about sex, this may feel even more daunting. My clients come to therapy wanting to improve their sex life, but often when I ask them what they like about sex, they struggle to provide an answer beyond a few words. Your pleasure is your responsibility. This means it is your responsibility to know what you like and to communicate this to your partner. If you are unsure about what you like, then communication is key; you need to be able to talk to your partner about how your body is responding to sexual stimulation and what feels pleasurable.

So what sexual acts do you like? How do you like your body to be touched? Which parts of your body do you like to be touched? How do you want to give pleasure to your partner? If you are unsure, I have a resource for you.

I have created a Yes, No, Maybe List, that has over 250 different sexual acts.

YES NO MAYBE List

A$5.00

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This resource will help you explore and clarify:

• The things you want to do to a partner

• The things you want done to you

• The things you are willing to do

• The things you are willing to receive

• The things that are hard limits for you regarding intimacy and sex

  
  

Take your time with this activity. It may take up to an hour. Please set aside enough space for reflection and honesty.

How to Answer

Yes = Heck yes! I’m into it. (Also called Want)

No = No way. I’m not open to this activity. (Also called Won’t)

Maybe = I’d need to discuss the details first, or I’d be open to trying it even if I’m not overly excited.

(Also called Will)

Conversation Starters

If you’re completing this with a partner, you can use these prompts to encourage deeper discussion and clarity:

“What’s exciting about that for you?”

“What makes that a ‘no’?”

“How exactly would you like to experience this?”

“What hesitations/concerns do you have about this act?”

“What would help you feel safer or more comfortable with this act?”

“Are there times or places where this feels okay, and others where it doesn’t?”

“What past experiences (good or bad) shape how you feel about this?”

Here’s why this resource is so useful:

• Prevents misunderstandings: You’re both on the same page about what’s okay and what’s not.

• Builds trust: Sharing honestly creates a safe space.

• Encourages exploration: Discussing new sexual acts invites curiosity without pressure.

• Supports consent: Clear communication about boundaries is the foundation of consent.

  
  

Think of it as a gentle way to say, “Here’s what I’m comfortable with, and here’s what I’m open to trying.” It’s not about rules or restrictions but about mutual respect and understanding.

Tips for Using the Yes-No-Maybe List Effectively

Now, you might be wondering, “Okay, I have the list, but how do I make sure it actually helps?” Here are some practical tips to get the most out of this tool:

• Be honest but kind: It’s okay to say no or maybe. The goal is understanding, not judgment.

• Create a relaxed environment: Choose a time when you’re both calm and free from distractions. This takes about 1 hour.

• Go through the list individually then together. Write your answers in private, then discuss together. It may be helpful to take turns in sharing answers.

• Use it as a conversation starter: Don’t just hand over the list and walk away. Talk about why you chose each answer.

• Respect each other’s boundaries: If something is a no, accept it without pressure.

• Celebrate the maybes: These are opportunities for growth and discovery, not obligations.

  
  

Remember, this isn’t a contract. It’s a living document that grows with your relationship. It is helpful to come back to this every year, as you and your partner/s will change.

Personalised yes-no-maybe list for relationship communication

Your Next Step Towards Clearer Communication

Remember, communication isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up, being honest, and listening with an open heart. With tools like this checklist, you’re not just talking—you’re building a foundation of trust and understanding that can support your relationship for years to come.

So, why not give it a go? Your own Yes, No, Maybe list awaits, and with it, a path to deeper connection and better sex.